Aug. 16, 2012 at 2:14am with 55 notes

I don’t really like any of the things that people are “fans” of right now. I don’t specifically wish I was a fan of any of those things. Honestly, those things can trip and fall in a well. In fact, I don’t even know that I’d want to be part of a fandom. If you read my blog regularly, you’ve probably seen me ramble about tribalism and how it pisses me off enough to suspect why I might not actually enjoy the experience of being in a fandom. Yeah, okay, I did kinda want to be in the Legend of Korra fandom, you know, ground floor that shit for once, but frankly, and sadly, it turned out not to be compelling enough to make that kind of investment. BUT ASIDE FROM THAT

It’s sort of alienating not to be in them. That’s a very small, meaningless concern in the scope of things, really, but the feeling still registers. About half the people I actively socialize with, and most of the people I follow on tumblr, are active in various fandoms. It’s an experience I can’t share with them, something I’m excluded from, though not maliciously. I’ve felt like this for a long time. A friend of mine in elementary school had a computer and internet access long, long, long before I did, and soon found herself deeply embedded in the NSYNC fandom, writing fanfiction long hours into the night. Me? I humored it. She had every Power Rangers toy she could get her hands on. I humored it. She loved Selena. I humored it. A friend of mine whom I wrote with for10 years periodically disappeared for weeks or even months at a time to participate in fandom roleplays on Livejournal that she apparently found infuriating, but kept going back to. I humored it (resentfully). I find myself in the position of Weird Fandom Lurker, where I know enough to understand many a reference, but nearly no interest in the properties at all. It’s like, a weird wall between me and many of the people I care about, because I just can’t relate.

We can’t bond over that stuff. People go talk to their other friends about how fun shipping is and hey wouldn’t it be cool if we made characters for Motorcity??? and all that stuff and I’m just chillin’ over here in my corner, like “hey politicians are pretty interesting, would you like to talk about it” and things get so silent most of the time that my ears ring.

It’s a dumb sort of loneliness! It’s the smallest thing in the world. The most meaningless alienation. Useful, maybe, because I’m not dumping precious, precious time and emotion into doing things I can’t possibly make decent money from, or get any real critical recognition out of. Still, it’s left me feeling like some kind of alien observer from far, far away, because nearly everybody else gets this. I feel like an alien observer about a lot of things, though, so perhaps this is just the state of things.

  1. guardianoftime reblogged this from homodachin
  2. mrocio reblogged this from heysawbones and added:
    THIS![[MORE]] What’s even worse is when you lose friends over these fandoms because they just completely disappear from...
  3. betterlucknextyear reblogged this from heysawbones
  4. bigbigtruck said: I used to be in one or two (tiny) fandoms, and I miss that fun sometimes, but nothing since 2006 has captivated me the way those shows did. It’s a little lonely, but drawing original stuff is more satisfying. It’s a tradeoff…
  5. heysawbones reblogged this from jennifer-wang and added:
    Oh yeah, ha ha, I totally get that. I TOTALLY GET IT. I would always MUCH RATHER be friends with the creators of stuff...
  6. bombsovermyhead said: I am very, very much in the same boat.
  7. sephiramy said: Do you want to join me in the Friend Fandom, where I am ravenously involved in everything my friends make? I guarantee it’s just as fulfilling and involved as any other fandom, but you get to pick the creator’s brain whenever you like.
  8. sovami said: ee yeah i share a lot of this sentiment, i do like observing but i can’t fully understand. i can only ever manage to feel that way about the work of people i have interacted with and it is oddly alienating (not so much bothersome, just A Thing).
  9. neekko reblogged this from heysawbones and added:
    Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrggggggghhhhhh, this is exactly how I feel. ALL THE TIME.
  10. ginchface said: It’s okay. Fandoms are actually The Worst. Not like being a fan of something, but being in The Fandom is something like being in a cult that takes up all your time and creative process. Shit bores me, man.
  11. tyuran said: There’s a level of emotional investment involved that I usually find it hard to muster. It really does seem to be like, oh, taking posession of the series in a personal way, to the point that it’s a drive for producing derivative/original content.
  12. homodachin reblogged this from capsaicinoid and added:
    Sorry, I don’t like to jump in like this and spit fire but as a person from the inside who is also relatively good at...
  13. despicableplankton reblogged this from heysawbones and added:
    Maybe you’ve already made the thing for which you belong to? The way I see it, the author is just the official fan-fic...
  14. annsileas reblogged this from heysawbones and added:
    I can understand your predicament. Where you find disinterest I find interest but not enough to want to stay and take...
  15. capsaicinoid reblogged this from prince-ichi and added:
    Yeah, and with arts and crafts and things like that, even if you phase out of your obsession in that area there’s going...
  16. weja said: YOU ARE IN THE FANDOM OF MO AND THAT’S ALL YOUNEED (: i feel you though, i’ve never been into anything like that either. and sometimes it is lonelyses over here Y:,
  17. prince-ichi reblogged this from capsaicinoid and added:
    basically everything yeah same I mean I’m sorta into customizing ponies right now, but I flitter in and out of...
  18. avymus reblogged this from heysawbones and added:
    I feel very similar! My reaction usually won’t be more than, “Hey, I like this show/book/etc, let me make a few fanarts...
  19. greiison said: why don’t we do what cool loners do and draw our dudes/ourselves in each others universes, wink wonk, a fandom of our own fuck the police
  20. kwillow said: Ha, I know the feeling. I have a couple friends who seem to be in every single fandom there is on tumblr! I don’t know where they get the time or energy, but hey. (It’s more rewarding to work on your own stuff anyway, their loss!)
  21. dinolich said: Fandom sounds tiring and expensive. I’d rather just be a fan. I like watching and reading things and if something really tickles my fancy I’ll draw or cosplay something. Plus, the people I know IRL involved in fandoms are all a bunch of wads.
  22. alexdotexe said: it’s … yeah, from my experience years ago fandoms aren’t really worth it if you have own intellectual properties, but there’s still a feeling of exclusion and there’s not really a solution to it … so … non-fandom fandom buddies?
  23. c1qfxugcgy0 said: I’m only a homestuck fan ~ironically~
  24. mamis reblogged this from prince-ichi and added:
    Yeah im pretty much the same way. i really just dont get obsessed with things like other people do. :c i enjoy the shows...